2019

How I found more peace and time for the things I love

There were several moments in my life when I realized the possible implications of not being present.

I think it was even as early as sitting in school. The first kids had smartphones and many of us were fascinated by what we could do with them of course.

For one, playing fun games without cables, our computers or consoles, and we spent many breaks playing or watching those who played.

For another, we could look up answers in tests, take pictures and snuggle in our entire set of notes and most teachers had absolutely no idea we were doing it.

So naturally, the kids with a smartphone became cooler, more interesting, and drew a lot of attention.

As the density of smartphones rose, it was less and less rare to find them and usage quickly became the norm.

Then, at some point, I remember sitting at lunch and everybody was looking at their phone at least once every couple of minutes. Because, after all, there were things to check.

Do I have a new message? Have I waited long enough to upgrade my defense wall in this one browser game? Any other news I should know about?

Fast forward ten years.

I still observe people using their phones with a very high frequency. But now I know better what puts me off about that.

It’s the habituation of breaking presence in the current moment without conscious choice. It’s not being able to stay with and be focused on a specific thing for longer than a couple of minutes.

For example, I hate it when I talk to somebody and they pull out their phone because they “just quickly have to check something”.

When it’s done wrong, it makes me feel put on hold. It can imply that my time is less important or that they just don’t value our shared time as much.

Of course, there are situations where it’s not that big of a deal and of course I have also done it in the past.

When the conversation isn’t very deep, or when I know they are very present but need to check for a specific message or something like that.

I guess what makes it acceptable for me is when they choose to do it consciously and communicate it well. And when they have a similar understanding of what “necessary” means and don’t just use it as easy excuse.

To come back to the title of the post, I was wondering just now why I’m even ranting so much about this.

I think it’s because I enjoy real presence so much and have seen what joy and benefits I get out of my moments of flow.

When I create music, I’m in this place of timeless expression. A journey of exploring where the session wants to go, what my body and mind need to express.

And I think I’m able to listen to that inner voice and intuitive direction so well because I have made a point of keeping present and undistracted for longer periods at a time.

I create this focused space for myself because that’s where I am deeply satisfied with my life, without even thinking about it.

It’s the space where chance and intuition are allowed to flow and regularly enable me to create something new that I would probably not have come up with otherwise.

For me, it’s the source of inspiration and creation.

So, I guess why it bothers me that many people don’t make an effort or aren’t aware of that dynamic, is that I think they would benefit from it.

Whether to experience purpose in creating something they want to create or just seeing, feeling and valuing more of the details that make our lives so enjoyable.

And looking back now thinking about it, I realize that experimenting with a couple of things have helped me cultivate my current level of presence and peace of mind, which help me be a better producer, musician, and companion to others in general.

These are (not following a particular order):

I deactivate push notifications and reminders of apps that usually pull me right into the phone (WhatsApp, Messenger, Facebook, Instagram, Email, Reddit, you get the point)
I delete apps like Youtube, Facebook, Instagram, Email from my phone for a while if I overuse them

(a couple of days ago I deleted the Youtube app because I found myself watching more than I really wanted to)
I think about what I want my default to be (e.g. my default for email is that I don’t have the app open, and only check it at specific times every couple of days)
I am aware that I have a choice - when somebody calls me, it’s my freedom to accept or reject in any situation. Some people interrupt their deep face-to-face conversations for a call that could have easily waited. But because a call artificially suggests urgency they just react rather than make the choice themselves
I choose who I want to be - I value real and uninterrupted presence when spending time with people, so I make a point of putting my phone out of reach and turning it into airplane mode. This allows my brain to accept that I won’t check it and there is no possibility of quickly checking when somebody goes to the bathroom. Even if I get the twitch to reach for it.

Of course, this is all personal.

This works very well for me and my life.

I decide deliberately what adds value to my life or brings me joy and do more of that.

I don’t want to be the person who can be reached ALL the time.

Also, I don’t want to be the person calling others out and telling them to live their lives differently.

But it would be great if more people actively chose. And it would be great if more people saw the value of being more present and less on their phones.

And when I feel again like I haven’t chosen the majority of my digital habits deliberately, it is time to make a different choice and see how it can contribute to my life.

It’s an ongoing process for me.

- Markus